The way Tinder seems to work for example, the broader an appeal you have, the higher your score.

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An openly bisexual male for example, will be met with a huge score penalty due to all the left swipes from women that he isn't concerned with in the first place. Most could be vastly less attractive, or in some geographies even bigoted.


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The women he is looking for however, have a lower chance of seeing him because of the score hit. It's perverse incentivization all around. I'm sure NYC looks better than these cities, but I'm not sure by how much if the stats are through the lens of a dating app rather than the overall population.

Can anybody weigh in on why Boulder is so skewed?


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  6. I was expecting San Francisco to have the most imbalance because of the tech-dominated economy, but it looks like it's relatively more balanced than any of these other cities. That this doesn't line up with my expectations makes me question the data. I kinda doubt these ratios are actually representative of the overall population of these cities.

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    A quick google search turned up this page which claims to be using Census data and shows a fairly even gender ratio scroll down to view the Population Pyramid: Maybe the point of the OP's data is to show men that subscription fees may be a poor value if relatively few women are using the platform in their cities. Online dating is a small subset of real world dating, so doesn't have any connection with gender ratio etc. BadassFractal 3 months ago.

    The numbers may be even higher in I wonder what the ratios are on other apps. Do specific apps have different gender and age cohorts? My perception is that few millennials and younger even bother with dating sites anymore. Dating apps, yes , but not legacy dating sites like Match. I haven't bothered with dating for a few years, but my brief experience with Match. Even when it came to OkCupid, there was virtually nobody on it, and I was living in a metropolitan area.

    My guess would be the gender ratios wouldn't look that different for other sites and apps, though Match.

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    Head to the DC area if you want to flip the ratio. I've never lived in that part of the country. What is it about that area government jobs, other industries that make it imbalanced toward women? If you would like a well-paying stable job with a degree in one of those two, government is an awfully nice choice.

    Alternatively, head to the DC area if you want to live in a city of class presidents. DavidSJ 3 months ago.

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    Also a city of classless presidents. Is this something unique to the bay area? Does this reflect the overall gender ratios in the area? At the last census the Bay Area was If you are a guy it's way better odds. If you are in the Bay area, maybe find a company with a balance as well hard to do. SF also had a skewed gender ratio during the gold rush. The link seems to be broken? What, dudes just give up after 60?

    Without context on how this data was gathered it's mostly meaningless. In the context of the match. Dating in these cities as a single man in your 20s and 30s is good for the soul. It forces you to actually develop a personality, figure out how to be fun to be around. Have something interesting going on for you besides working at startup x or being Senior Frontend Engineer at Uber Women in a city like SF expect more from you, they're not that impressed with money or the fact that you have a stable job.

    Some look at it as a disadvantage, but is actually an upside. Some men come out of the experience jaded and bitter, blaming "the 49ers" and the ratio. Others take it as an opportunity to step it up and have more to offer to a potential partner. You attract who you are. This is really just trying way too hard to make the best of a shit situation. I know what you're saying, but consider the implications that this argument has for women in the bay area. So as a straight man, fierce competition presumably "forces you to develop a personality" I think this is actually a pretty dangerous thought in that it suggests that single guys are lacking something in their personality which would net them a girlfriend.

    So after all this self improvement, it's so that you can meet women who don't have the same driving forces, and actually have quite the opposite -- they can just choose not to date you because you have a funny haircut or they aren't sure and don't feel like following up. That mismatch of effort is a great way to drive resentment on both sides.

    I'm not trying to place blame here. All I'm saying is: Don't turn blame inwards towards perceived personality defects. In a different city or different friend group you might get drastically different results. I do turn inward when I think of things like "why I'm single": The reality is that I can change these habits if I really want to change the outcome. It feels bad sometimes, but it's the reality whether its "right" or "wrong". Few things make people as uncomfortable as telling them "hey, maybe your victim mentality isn't helping you and you actually do have a shot at this, you just need to work harder than others".

    Life's not fair, I guess? If you don't want it that bad, then plenty of other, much more motivated men, will work for it.

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    It's a little like entrepreneurship and complaining that your parents aren't millionaires and can't seed fund your first venture, so why even bother. Reading that genuinely made me feel uncomfortable but I'm glad you wrote it, I think I needed to hear that. Something about imagining all the other men who are much more motivated than me really gives me a deep desire to prove myself. From what I've seen, the Bay Area men who struggle the most with dating really do have defective personalities — at least in the sense that they don't align with what most women want.

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